| Seasonal Affective Disorder |
[20 Jun 2008|09:30am] |
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I'm falling in love with everything all over again now it's summer and walking down sidewalks is no longer dangerous. A blue jay landed right next to me yesterday, and I'm growing little vegetables. The only thing I can't stand is runny noses and puffy eyes from all that is in bloom, but I'll manage just fine.
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| A letter of sorts. |
[07 Apr 2008|10:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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grain of salt |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Kinks - Strangers |
] |
My weekend was really lovely and relaxing. I slept in a normal bed and was surprised by a trip to Miller Park. Spent a lot of time outside, in the sun and the woods. Ate enchiladas.
According to the calendar I just filled out, school does not appear to be letting up until the first full week of May, which just happens to be the week before finals (which actually means studying, ie no break). This has been a really terrible semester for me. I'm practically failing the two classes in which I work hardest. I had a talk with my parents today which made me feel better but not on the inside. On top of this, I am having a very hard time with my friends. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time investing in friendship when I should have been studying to my absolute breaking point because my efforts have made no difference.
But really, my life is wonderful. I'm actually quite thankful for what I have.
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| Random thought: |
[26 Mar 2008|02:12am] |
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Some people really bother me. I don't even know how to elaborate on this.
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| Freaky dream. |
[07 Mar 2008|01:40pm] |
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music |
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The Rolling Stones |
] |
In the short, my parents lived somewhere in the desert and collected all sorts of pipes. Apparently, an uncle of which I was unaware was controversial because of his business. It was a big upset with the youth of America, so a group of kids came to steal my parent's pipes in hopes to get them in legal trouble. They took our violins. I tried to fight them but there were too many, and I was afraid someone would pull out a gun. Eventually, the pipes were returned one by one due to my negotiations and stealing pipes back when I knew their whereabouts. Characters in the dream include:
-Brandon Kenney, who lived by my uncle and apparently worked for him but was ripped off
-Lizzy and Case, just friends coming to visit who would appreciate the pipes
-Quiet girl from my English discussion, pipe stealer
Towards the end, I was reminded of food carts and Halloween on State Street. I really don't understand where this comes from, but I'd like to try and remember my dreams more often because they've been insane.
Anyway, last night put me in the best mood. I was able to catch up with everyone (almost) that I love and had a wonderful time. I'm homeward bound today and cannot wait to relax.
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| Passing the time. |
[26 Feb 2008|11:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bummed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Belle & Sebastian -The Fox in the Snow |
] |
I still feel stressed even though I have my last midterm next Monday. I want to practice my violin, draw, and take pictures this week, but I think the time will fly by fast. I'm just glad I get to sit in my room without worrying about a test or a paper tonight. I'm glad I don't have to stay up until 3:00 am, my mind wandering into places I haven't thought about in ages. Now I'll have time to do laundry and clean, both of which I cannot wait to do.
School aside, all I want is more honesty and better communication with everyone. Half of me feels like I've completely lost myself in paranoia while the other half is better than ever. I don't know what to believe anymore and can't settle on assumption. I keep reading notes, looking at pictures, and wondering why this is happening. This ambiguity is making me feel worse than it should.
But it's something I need to talk about versus sitting back and letting it happen; writing about it here will achieve nothing. I don't think I'd be upset to hear the truth, even if it was less than favorable. I just need to know if I'm wasting my time.
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dejectedxstar's journal
